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April April 21, 2011

Posted by indigobunting in Uncategorized.

It feels almost like a lost month, an odd suspension of animation—ever since the fire, which was really the end of March, and then the funeral, which I had every intention of writing about as Loss (3), even as I was writing Loss (1) and Loss (2). But then, that night before the funeral, in a hotel room hours from home, my throat swelled, and I became sick with something that knocked me out for two weeks, something I am still recovering from. I was sick in a sleep-all-day way at first, and went to see a doctor twice, the first week to be sure it wasn’t strep, the second week because of the laryngitis.

I had thought I was getting better. I attended the benefit event for the owners of our recently-lost-to-fire country store, fully participating in that incredible outpouring of community support. A couple of hours afterward, my voice disappeared for nearly five days.

I don’t feel like writing about the funeral.

Still, I came to Portland for the week with Tim, refusing to be left behind. We go to bed early and get up late (for us). My voice got tired after a couple of long phone conversations, after drinks with Len Monday night and lunch with Suzanne Tuesday. I kept quiet yesterday.

I am not getting enough done. I can’t seem to concentrate. I wander from shop to shop in search of a gift but am coming up short. I try on some clothes, but as usual, meh. I get a haircut that looks great til I wash my hair—now I have to get it fixed.

I have yet to take a long walk on the prom by the water. It’s still cold. Maybe today.


1. Craig (Maito Sewa Yoleme) - April 21, 2011

Well, April IS the cruellest month, after all. (And I think you are writing about the funeral, even now. You’re just not using traditional language.

2. Jennifer - April 21, 2011

I’m sorry for all the recent loss, including your voice. Craig has a point – you’re already writing about it.

3. Mali - April 23, 2011

There are times we need to live in a kind of suspended animation. It sounds like your body and mind are asking you to do this. Listen to them. And accept some gentle hugs from the south pacific.

4. helen - April 26, 2011

I hope you’ve taken that walk Indigo, and that at least physically you’re feeling better. And I think Mali’s right about the need to live in a state of suspended animation for a bit.

5. Damyanti - April 26, 2011

I was wondering about you last week..no facebook updates in a while. I kept meaning to drop by your blog, but being me, I kept forgetting.

I agree with the others about the need for suspended animation, sometimes that is our survival mechanism kicking in.

Lots of love from across the seas, and hope things look up, by and by.

6. indigo bunting - April 26, 2011

I appreciate all of your wonderful comments. I’m home, and I never quite got that long walk in. I let the wind discourage me too much!

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