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Indigo’s Latest Excuses for Not Blogging August 27, 2012

Posted by indigobunting in Uncategorized.
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1. Work. After a very slow year, I’ve had quite a bit. My life has been more deadline driven than usual, and I’ve tried to be only grateful for that, but it’s tough in August when one watches, through one’s window, summer slipping away.

2. Deaths. Every time I come close to thinking I might have something to say, someone dies—a neighbor, a friend, a friend’s close relative. My own grief and the pain I feel for my friends’ grief has effectively shut me up. I can’t articulate. I can’t speak.

3. Nonfiction. I’ve been pushing through several books on topics I’ve felt I needed/wanted to know more about: hoarding, eating for blood type, menopause. I chose a menopause book that was supposed to be lighthearted and funny, but I got very little out of that and began to find the same jokes, over and over, annoying. I have to find a better book. I have never been remotely interested in going through menopause and will be dragged through kicking and screaming, no doubt. Because I finally found out what my blood type was, I figured I’d take a look at the blood type diet book. I felt I might be onto something when it said I should avoid olives and blue cheese—something I’ve been doing all my life and but feel terrible about—but then it also said I should avoid anchovies, tuna, salmon, peanut butter, ice cream…I don’t much like the sounds of this. The hoarders book was fascinating. I am not a hoarder, but I come from them, and although I have never watched a hoarder’s show on television (I couldn’t possibly), I do feel the need to sometimes ask “WTF?” and see what kind of answer I get. One interesting aspect of this book was discussion of other traits many hoarders have, some of which I can see playing out in myself, such as an inability to make decisions (this could be an entire post). I seem to have a huge inability to make decisions when it comes to travel plans, which may stem from some of this “once you decide on one course of action you’ve walked away from the other possibilities” hoarders stuff, coupled with my anxiety over flying, which has more to do with motion sickness (likely) than with hurtling toward my death (much less likely, but not impossible).

4. Making travel plans. Yes, I have been completely freaked out making plans to head to Denver/Boulder next month to attend a snooty black-tie function (my husband will have to rent a tux) and to meet the man I call my 86-year-old boyfriend, with whom I’ve been in contact since 1995 but have never met (who is one of the hosts of the snooty function). He is one of “my authors,” a man who writes for the journal I edit, and I will be meeting him and another of my authors for the very first time. The timing of points of the trip are odd enough that big blocks for playing in Rocky Mountain National Park don’t seem quite possible. I do, at last, have hotel reservations for every night we are in Colorado, and I feel much better having made this decision, even though it looks like I’ve chosen to not spend nights in the park—the not choosing of that was definitely holding me up. Maybe I’m accepting that this vacation is more about cities and people. But I still need to see some western birds.

5. Biking. My work schedule has been such that I stopped going to the gym (driving there and back was lost time) and worked out at home and on my bike. Biking is beginning to feel as glorious as it was when I was a kid—time to be outside, time to escape, time to be in the moment. I’ve had to add a bit of road riding to my route (which is mostly rail trail) because Tropical Storm Irene took out a bridge. It gave me an excuse to buy a fancy new bike helmet. The 20-year-old one I was wearing was beginning to embarrass me.

6. Other. To go into my obsessive worries and whines would just be way too much. I hope you’ll be seeing more of me here.

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Comments»

1. Mali - August 27, 2012

I hope so too.

And I’m really sorry that you seem to have been surrounded by deaths. That’s hard to take, and a perfectly reasonable explanation of why you can’t think or write just now. And no doubt has contributed to feeling overwhelmed by everything else.

I’m a little envious of you biking. If only we had flat cycle-friendly spaces.

And hoping all the “Other” gets sorted out and you find your balance again soon.

2. Helen - August 30, 2012

I’m sorry too to hear about all those deaths Indigo. And if you feel the need for an outpouring related to your Other category, feel free…

3. bridgett - September 12, 2012

Isn’t that what blogging is for, that Other category?
Other thoughts: hoarders fascinate me. My grandmother was/is one, one of the more benign (not cats or food–only useful things and things that might one day be useful again except…). Her basement, her garage, her life is fascinating to me. I watch the show. With my hands over my eyes.
I’ve had periods like that, the death thing, the mute-making (I almost said mutation). IT seems to come back eventually. USually in a burst.

4. Susan - September 16, 2012

I think your husband is a prince for renting (and wearing!) a tux for an event hosted by your boyfriend–no matter what his age, and no matter that you haven’t met him yet.


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