Route 153

Excuse Note Follow-up June 29, 2015

Dear I Prefer to Remain Anonymous:

Rest assured, I have passed along your message responding to the excuse note I wrote for Indigo Bunting a couple of weeks ago. Ms. B appreciates the tough love, but she’s still not writing, instead screaming at me “A new computer and a new phone within a few weeks of each other? Are you effin’ kidding me? I can’t take this!” and “Shut up and let me finish bingeing on Orphan Black.” I’m happy to report she has finished that binge, but last night she did sneak in the first episode of her next one. Tonight she’s driving nearly two hours to at last see Trombone Shorty perform. It’s always something with her.

At one point, though, in response to a request from An Anonymous Condiment Aficionado, Indigo did try to update the condiment-in-the-refrigerator list, at first struggling to define exactly what counts as a condiment, and she filled two pages of a 5-by-7-inch notepad. Here it is: Santa Cruz organic pure lemon juice, San-J organic GF tamari, Annie’s Natural shiitake sesame dressing, Trader Joe’s sweet chili sauce, Pitchfork Preserves cranberry syrup, Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce, Wild Maine blueberry hot sauce, Annie’s Naturals BBQ sauce (where did that come from?), Stonewall Kitchen maple chipotle grille sauce, balsamic vinegar with wild blueberries, unsalted butter, basil pesto, Skillet fennel and black pepper bacon spread, La Tartufata, Sambal Oelek ground fresh chili paste, Tamicon tamarind concentrate, Polaner Allfruit seedless blackberry spread (disappointing!), Hellman’s real mayonnaise, capers, Kalamata olives, sweet red peppers, onion-stuffed olives, Grey Poupon, Heinz organic tomato ketchup, Cholula chili lime hot sauce, maple syrup, Vermont Hills teriyaki sauce, Hershey’s butterscotch topping (really? is that a decade old?), Green Mountain salsa, pickled ramps, Wild Hibiscus flowers in syrup, Ranier Reserve cherries, and pickled scapes.

That’s right. In her refrigerator. “How does this happen?” you can hear her scream, I’m certain.

Yers in eye-rolling frustration,

Varied Bunting

P. S. With luck, her attitude will get its ass adjusted tonight:

Excuse Note June 16, 2015

Dear Blog Buddies:

Please excuse Indigo Bunting for her 6-week absence. She has been working. She has been attempting clothing/book purges around the house. She has had to go visit family. She has a pinched nerve, and she has not been sleeping well. She’s needed to buy a new computer. She should be planning a trip to England in the fall and can’t even get around to doing that. She has been very sad because people she loves are going to move away. She is concerned by how scattered she is. She has been trying to keep up with TV addictions. (Maybe now that Mad Men and Game of Thrones are over, she’ll have more time, but really, it’s time to bingewatch Orphan Black and Orange Is the New Black.) She has not been fishing yet this season. Not even once. She hopes she’ll be back soon.

Sincerely,

Varied Bunting
Official Writer of Bunting Excuses