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Late. January 31, 2019

Posted by indigobunting in Uncategorized.
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Gets harder in the winter, gotta be a fake or shiver.
It takes a great deal out of me.
. . . I wanna go out but I wanna stay home.
—Courtney Barnett, “Nobody Really Cares If You Don’t Go to the Party”

I spend a lot of time alone. I like being alone, until I want to not be alone—that moment when the content feeling of solitude shifts to an anxious one of isolation.

Especially in winter, when I suddenly I realize I haven’t seen my neighbors, as we’re all hunkered down, hiding from the cold and the dark. Hibernating. I realize I haven’t gone out and done anything. I want to. But I don’t want to.

We need to prod one another. Sometimes we do. It’s good.

But it’s hard to feel inspired. It’s hard to stay in and start projects. It’s hard to go out and see friends.

I am not overly busy with friends, but I am not getting anything accomplished beyond maintenance. I am watching dark comedy on Netflix. I am in bed early, reading. I am getting nothing done.

The days are getting longer, but they are still short, and so cold.

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Comments»

1. Eulalia Cobb - February 6, 2019

Go out, stay home, go out, stay home…the eternal winter dilemma. I feel it too.

2. Helen - February 7, 2019

You’ve said a lot in relatively few words. And reading this made me feel a bunch of different emotions (including anxiety, and claustrophobia, although I’m not sure that’s an emotion). So it’s a very effective piece of writing.

3. Mali - February 7, 2019

I agree with Helen, I love this. I’m a bit like you – I like being alone until I want to not be alone. I can only imagine that early nights and intense cold and snow act as more of a deterrent to going out than anything we experience here.

Also, I’m curious as to the dark comedy you’re watching on Netflix.


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